Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
