I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
