Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
