You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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