Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
