I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
