apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
