Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
