i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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