You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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