we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize