Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
