I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
