yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
