I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Farmville is her only friend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Found your dick twin last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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