3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Buhtt sex?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Green mimosas i think yes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
