i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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