Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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