I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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