Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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