On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
