Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
