Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
