And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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