you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize