She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
