I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
