he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
