Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
