Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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