He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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