dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
