i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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