kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
