the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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