at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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