I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
