I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
soo... how was my night?
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