Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
