i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
