haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
