We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
