i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
