see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
