I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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