U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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