I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
