If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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