Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
