Kiss
Puke
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We left the knife in your bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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