In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize