It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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