nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
