I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
