i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
