you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
