my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize