glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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