i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
