he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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