I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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