Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
