Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
