Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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