That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
