Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
