But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
