Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
tell me about the eggs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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