I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
