my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
