Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
