So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My ass is underappreciated
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
