The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
